everything rhymes with diggins

The Dean.

Stuck.

There is nothing worse than falling into terrible habits again and just not feeling like you are strong enough to stop them. The weather has finally turned an summer has started and I feel myself slipping further and further into my own mind and pushing away from everyone around me, I hate it. When people usually say things like they they always follow it up with some line about them missing something about themselves and how filling that gap will be the solution. Thats not the case for me, I am not yearning for some feeling that will awake me from this. I feel everything and that’s what makes this worse. When I was younger like everyone else I used to tear myself over things that I had no control over and I made myself completely miserable. It’s the things you can change but don’t that break your heart, and that’s what is killing me now. I want to change and grow, I want to stop this dumb bullshit I do, I want to continue to be a better man. Most importantly I want to stop writing dumb shit like this about telling myself about how I want to change and actually do it. Thats the whole purpose of this post, its not some attempt to gain sympathy, it’s because writing this is forcing me to think about it and thats my only hope of actually doing anything. Also please if you are one of my friends (not a random person that liked a star wars picture or my beard) call me out on my bullshit and don’t let me slip away into this place. If you have known me for a decent amount of time you know exactly what I am speaking of too, I fall into this too much and I need to finally wake up.